You will never cook for me…
Anxious to send you perhaps the last birthday presents ever in this life, I kept thinking of you and the children more for the past few weeks…
Ever since you forgot my birthday, I’ve lost more and more hope in believing that I meant anything in your heart anymore…
What has became more and more clear to me, that the best thing for you, is for me to give you my last blessings and stay out of your life…
I kept consoling myself: “It’s okie Lester… what matters most is Em Yeu and the children’s happiness. You already knew you are unable to give them what they want most… Let them move on as a complete family and you just focus on getting stronger, richer and fulfill the promises you made to a woman you love and care for…”
As each day pass by, the truth behind what really happened between us, what was my true feelings, seems more and more unimportant… perhaps you made your choice to move back to CCK not because you have misunderstood me, but rather you have understood what you really want…
Perhaps to you, I was nothing but just a meaningless memory in the end…
*****
There was a thunderstorm right after 9pm. The rain was so heavy, followed with a lot of lightning and thunder…
This reminded me so much like the one night we once had when you just moved into the Bukit batok. the wind was howling so loudly and the windows in the living room and kitchen simply couldn’t close properly…
That night I stayed behind with you till late night until the rain stopped. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to ride in the night that’s why I stayed till so late… it was because I couldn’t bear to let you be alone at home where you looked scared…
Frankly speaking, I really missed those days when you are still staying in the Bukit batok house… it felt like your own home. It felt like how our daily lives is going to be after you get your new house…
Helping you with your laundry…
Taking the clothes out of the washing machine including the children’s and hang them up to dry…
Washing the dirty plates, fork and spoons…
Helping you pack the groceries and food into the fridge…
Fixing yours or the children’s bike outside the door…
Or even simply bringing the rubbish outside and throw away in the rubbish chute whenever I leave the house…
And I have been waiting so long to taste your cooking because the Bukit batok house doesn’t have a proper kitchen to cook…
Guess you will never cook for me despite you have promised that you would…
*****
Like everyday for the past 3 week, I went downstairs open my mailbox again after the rain finally stopped.
My mailbox is still empty… my last birthday present for Em Yeu still has not arrived yet…
Why does loving someone make you feel so lonely…