Why is it so Difficult to Love You…?
1st thing I saw today shortly after I woke up, was a message from Thao. She finally replied me after I last asked her to check with you what is a safe way for me to pass a message to you without creating trouble for you and Kenny.
But, you told her that you don’t want to hear from me anymore and hung up her call…
Em Yeu why did you hate me so much? What exactly has that liar said to you to turn me into someone that you feel so strongly against…?
My heart was so shattered at how much you hate me…
Has all the time we spent together became so meaningless to you,,,?
*****
Despite what Thao has told me about you, I’m still going to go ahead with my plans regardless how much you hate me.
I kept telling myself that it’s okie, because you have just misunderstood me that’s all. I shouldn’t blame you as I also once believed in every bullshit that liar told me about you…
Nothing is going to change my love for you, and I will not throw you away like I’ve promised you
Today finally came after the long weekend of labour day holidays. I went to the Jurong East Certis Cisco safe deposit box branch first thing in the morning today.
Even brought the card and letter I have prepared for you as the 1st things to put into my Box of Promises.
However, when I reached the Jurong Certis branch, to my biggest disappointment they informed me that even if I want to assign you as a mandatee who can access the deposit box, they still need you to be physically present in order to sign an agreement etc together with me!
I was so angry, because they only email to me the need for you to be physically here with me if I were to put you as a licensee with admin rights. But you only need to access and take out the things I am going to leave inside for you, so for the past month I was prepared to register you as a mandatee.
But they insist that you have to be present and sign their agreement before I can assign you as a mandatee…
If you can be here with me, I wouldn’t even need a safe deposit box in the 1st place, Em Yeu
If you are still beside me, I would have put the ATM card in your hands, look into your beautiful eyes and tell you in your face how much I love you…
In the end, I left the Jurong Certis branch so dejected… for the past month I have been thinking about this safe deposit box, how I am going to save up to fill up both the card and this box with all my presents and my promises to you… until the day you need help and open up this box…
First there was the problem with the ATM card. Now even the safe deposit box cannot be used without you…
Em Yeu, all I wanted is to see you happy and safe. All I wanted is to be prepared for the day in case you and the children need help again. All I wanted is to keep every single promises I ever made to you…
Why is it so difficult to love you…
Guess I have to find another way to store your birthday presents and my promises to you…
What a lousy morning…
*****
Was sending an order to Blk 257 in the afternoon. For the past month ever since I found out that you have successfully gotten your bank loan and the keys to your house, I have gone up whenever I have the chance just to see any life in the house
For the past month, I only saw that the leaflets stuck to your door or gate has been removed, but no sign of any activity yet.
But today, I finally saw people in your house
For a moment, I was so surprised when I see your door open with slippers outside. Took a quick glance from outside but didn’t see anyone except for the dining table shifted to the living room
Most probably these people are working on your kitchen or laying pipes to your master bedroom for the heater.
Frankly speaking, I felt so many mixed feelings when I saw that you finally starting renovating the house. On one hand, I felt relieved and happy that you started to use your house. I know most probably you are going to just rent it out for additional income, so that you have an easier time with your bank loan…
But on the other hand, I felt sad and left out cause the house is now renovated without me by your side… We have dreamt and imagine your new life together with me in this house. But now, you don’t need my help, and excluded me from your life even more…
Worried that someone inside the house may spot me, I went off quickly to finish my delivery and rode off. I know, the last thing u want to hear, is me appearing outside your house…
On my way back to WG, I can’t help remembering what Thao messaged me this morning…
Em Yeu, why do you hate me so much…? What happened to our promise together that no matter what happens, we won’t throw each other away…
But now, you have thrown me away so far…
Although I know that you have misunderstood me deeply after all the lies that bastard has fed both of us…
Yeah, I shouldn’t blame you for throwing me away… let me take all the sufferings by myself and stay out of your life…
Let me be the only one suffering from missing you…