Preparation for the 7th
It was a quiet Sunday. Not many people is working today. Not many orders as well. Just me alone parking at the vending machine most of the time the whole day…
Spent a lot of time sitting down at our usual spots at the vending machine waiting for orders. Every time I sit down right next to the staircase exit door, memories of you sitting right next to me always came up – Memories of you playing ML with the gangster look on your face, memories of you shopping on your phone beside me, memories of you complaining no orders, memories of us sharing a cup of bubble tea or canned coffee, memories of your cute smile, “what lar” & “where got”…
It is just over 1 & half month since I lost you, but it felt as tho the whole world has changed between us… the distance between us grew so large, the misunderstanding between us grew so huge, as much as the despair and helplessness in my heart where I can no longer talk to you, I can no longer hope that you know the truth without going thru the same pain I had been thru for the past few weeks…
I miss you so much, Em Yeu…
While sitting down waiting for orders, the pink Fido Malay lady (I think her name is sherry) came over and sat down beside me. Although we have greeted each other a few times, but we have not really talked to each other before. Her 1st question to me when she sat down next to me was “why do you look so sad past 2 weeks?”
Both surprised and grateful that she come talk to me, I just reply her that I’m just going thru some painful time… then she ask me to share what’s my story
I simply replied her that “I have hurt someone badly. So badly I didn’t know what I can do to love her anymore…”
As she ask and ask more, slowly I share with her some things to let it off my chest. Starting off with I was a bad husband, cause I had an affair and hurt my wife, then I was a bad lover and hurt a woman I fall in love with despite I’m married…
“Is it the lady with the pink umbrellas?” she asked
“Yeah, how did you know? Was it that obvious?” I replied
She added, “ya, cause I used to always see you 2 together. And the day before overheard her and Allan talking something like she don’t want you to contact her anymore. It sounds like very personal so I walk away”
The moment she said these, recollection of what you told Allan that what you need now is me to disappear from your life, resurfaced again in my head, and my tears almost flowed down in front of her
Only managed to hold it back after I tried to change the topic to her instead, “how about u? What’s your story?”
Then she started sharing her story about how she has married twice but have a daughter from her 1st husband, but now the 2nd husband a bit younger than her very immature she cannot take it so not talking for the past 2 weeks already blah blah blah…
Frankly speaking, her story is the usual and boring. Nothing compared to what we have been through together, what happened between us and what has kept us apart till now. But still I am grateful to her, cause it has felt slightly less alone having someone to talk to and listening to you..
How about you, my dear Em Yeu? Are you still unhappy ever since you moved back to CCK? Do you have someone to talk to which Kenny has no problem with?
I really hope you don’t feel as lonely as I have. It’s an endless feeling of emptiness and hollowness. It was you who has been beside me every single day for the past 6 months. It was you who smiled, laughed, cried, angry and held my hands for the past 6 months. It has been all about you in my mind and heart for the past 6 months…
Feeling bad to the pink Fido lady for thinking about you again instead of listening to her properly, we finally have our orders and went back to work
*****
It was a terrible night. I couldn’t sleep at all and kept thinking about your visit to mom on the 7th if you didn’t receive your salary in your bank statement.
So I ended up printing out your employment contract and read it over and over again at 3am in the morning… word by word, clause by clause, to make sure nothing else is against you when you go up to mookata with Allan. Except for the termination clause where mookata has to give you at least 1 months notice before they can hold back any salary payment to you, the rest of the terms & conditions should be safe for you. Have to remind Allan to ask you to check whether u receive any termination email from them tomorrow..
I can still remember how you sat behind me in my chair and hug me when I was preparing this employment contract for you… all these were parts in our fight together for your own house, a house you can call your home…
Have you really forgotten it all..?