27/12 Hunting for a Room
Surprising, after we have agreed on our divorce details during Xmas, over the past few days, Elsa and me has been talking like friends living under the same roof. She actually asked me a lot about you, how are you like, how we know each other to how we ended up together… although I know that she will listen with bitterness and jealousy, but from this moment on, I do not wish to lie to her anymore as long as she ask.
The thing she always scold me for, is that I shouldn’t have confessed to you that I have developed feelings for you before we started. During her younger days, Elsa also had an affair with a married colleague for more than a year. The attention and the care given to her is what made her developed feelings for her colleague as well, so she say she fully understood you why you were angry with me or feel that I have been lying to you…
In the end, she thinks that you didn’t truly love me for who I am. what you fall in love with, is the attention and care I have given to you…
Is this true, Em Yeu? Did you love me because of the attention and care I have given you, and not for who I am…?
But when Elsa speak up for you, sided with you and blame me instead, I know that she doesn’t hate you or thinks you are a bad woman whom break up our marriage…
Maybe I am really the one at fault… maybe I was too greedy and selfish in thinking that I can make the 2 woman I love happy at the same time…
*****
But our divorce is still on. So I have to find a room to rent asap so that I can prepare to move out. Some of the rooms I’ve found:
Okie, some of the cheapest rooms around JE, are priced ranged between 800-900. So if I earn and saved up at least 2k in 2 weeks time, I should have no problem moving out before Elsa comes back from Dubai on 10th Jan.
Guess that should be my focus from now on, as I glanced over to the vending machine parking area where you are… I can see Yong jie and Allan talking to you while you are waiting for orders…
What should I do about you…? Seriously I still didn’t know how to face you. On 1 end, I am so disappointed with you for not believing in my love for you and chose to hurt me in the worst way possible… But on the other hand, I felt so guilty and remorseful for hurting you and not making you feel loved enough to be happy…
You didn’t know how much I missed you already. You and the children were already a part of my life over the past half year. You were already a part of me…
Maybe, I’m the only one who feels that way but not you….