31/12 Elsa’s Plea
Since yesterday after I bought the luggage, I started packing up my stuff and cleaning up the house. Starting from my study, I cleared all the opened mails, letters, bills, books, old stationaries etc. I also took my bamboo plant and put it on Elsa’s desk instead.
As I clear all my unwanted stuff, Elsa was sitting at her desk, doing her work as usual. Other than occasionally asking here whether she want some of my things I’m going to throw away, she kept quiet throughout the whole 2 nights I was packing up…
As it was Friday and Saturday, I ran out for orders after 12am. Especially today, it was the last day of year 2022, the year where some of the most major events of my life happened. I can’t help but looking back at my whole year in my mind…
1st, I made the decision to leave the company where I’ve devoted my youth for almost 10 years. Where I’ve learnt lots and earned my position as a executive director of the company. Leaving the company was really a difficult choice, as I am putting down my stable and big paycheck in order to try venturing into businesses that I can call my own, and pursue my passion into virtual design and construction.
2nd, to get my health back into shape by cycling and started working as a food delivery rider while I can start my different startups and look at projects or companies that I can pursue my passion. At 1st it went really well, as I have lost more than 15kg within 3months. Until I met you.
Meeting you was the biggest surprise I had this year… when we 1st know each other as friends, I felt so sorrie for you as you shared with me your life story, your failed marriage and all the hardship you have gone through. That’s where I wanted to give you more attention, more care and more support so that you won’t feel alone… although to you, you felt like I was chasing you instead…
But as I get to know you more and more each day, as I see your smile and sweetness more and more each day, going to work starts to get more and more interesting. I start to anticipate more and more what you are going to share with me each day. I start to look forward to seeing you coming to work each day. I start to want to bring you to eat each food you like each day. I start to want to help you with your troubles and problems each day.
That was when I realized I developed feelings more than friendship towards you.
Em Yeu, since day 1 when I 1st share with you my feelings towards you at 4 fingers, I only wanted to love you, to care for you and to support you as much as I can. Like I’ve always told you, I was always ready to leave as soon as you tell me you have found your own happiness and you don’t need me anymore… I didnt expect anything from you, nor do I expect you to be together with me when I already have Elsa. All I ever wanted, is to see you get the happiness that you deserved, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you get your happiness…
This is my unconditional love for you, Em yeu…
But now, you have not gotten your house yet. You have not stabled down your lifestyle with Jayden and LinLin after you move into your new house yet. You have not found a man whom you can depend on for the remaining of your life yet. How can you tell me to get out of your life now…? What really have I done wrong to you for you to hate me so much? What have I lied to you since day 1 when we are together…?
My tears just flowed down again on the road while delivering my orders. Here I am alone, trying to earn as much as I can for my room rental on the last night of year 2022 while everyone else is celebrating… what have I done so wrong to deserve this when all I did was loving you…
*****
Was waiting for my mac order to be ready when I messaged everyone and wish them a Happy New Year. No matter how low I am feeling, I should still show my appreciation to all my family, friends and relatives that I have not forgotten
Then I gotten a reply from mingyi:
Those are my heartfelt words… I’m really so grateful to the guys for celebrating with you… I was so glad that I made the correct decision to introduce you into these group of friends back then when I 1st know you… perhaps till now you didn’t realized that I have purposely set you up to mix with them and to know them, so that you have other friends to rely on other than just me…
Because I know that I’ll leave grab one day. Because I know that I’ve to leave you one day. Because I know that you need friends when I’m gone one day
Even when I’m gone, I want to make sure that you will still have friends and will no longer feel alone
This is how I love you, Em Yeu…
*****
It was about 3am in the morning after I finished my last deliveries for year 2022. I was charging all my powers banks and hp in my study room, when Elsa came into my room crying.
When I asked her what’s wrong and why she haven’t sleep yet, she said she couldn’t sleep cause she kept thinking about our divorce.
Looking at how she is crying really broke my heart, and all my guilt towards hurting her so much came back again. All I could do, is hug her and say “I’m so sorrie…”
In between her tears, she said, “I didn’t realized letting you leave is so difficult until I see you packing your stuff… I thought i can be strong enough to live here by myself. But we built this home together… I’m so scared to stay in this big house all by myself…”
“Can you at least stay here until I’m really prepared for you to leave…? At least until Feb or March…please?” Elsa plead.
My heart sank to the bottom when I heard her plea this way. She has always been a strong woman and prideful woman, so much stronger emotionally than I am. And I didn’t realized she is suffering so much inside, especially when she can still talk to me like a friend for the past 1 week, asking about our story, how I met you and how we end up together ever since we agreed on our divorce…
In front of the tears of the woman whom I have hurt so much, the woman whom have left her country, her family, her friends and her whole life just to marry me in sg 7 years ago, how can I say “no” to her..?
So I assured her, “Okie, I’ll still stay in this house, until the day you are ready to kick me out…”