29/12 A Message from Em Yeu?

I just gotten home after running orders till 10pm. It’s laundry night today and I have to wash my clothes.

But at around 11pm, I suddenly received a message from you. When I open up my WhatsApp, I realized you have already started sending me messages since 7pm but deleted them before I can read them.

Why Em Yeu? What are you trying to say? Did something happened to you but you don’t know how to tell me cause of our quarrel?

Before I realized it, I have already ran out of the house and rode over to your BB place downstairs… what the hell am I doing here? I am supposed to still be angry with you for what you did to me…

But, I just can’t help it, when I thought perhaps something really happened to you. I missed you so much more. I’m worried about you so much more. So much more than my own anger…

Then finally you messaged me something you didn’t delete. You said, “I heard that you really going to divorce. I’m going to give you chance to be with me. You will have to start again from zero and it will be hard. But we will face it together.”

You didn’t know how much my tears flowed… you didn’t know how much your words meant to me… I have thought I have lost you forever…

But, feelings from that night when you asked me to prove my love for you came back again in my mind. I became scared, so scared of how you are going to hurt me again whenever you didn’t believe my words and we quarrel…

And especially now, when I have lost my own house and the little savings I have left to my poor wife whom I have hurt so deeply… I’m nothing but a penniless man now whom felt so lost what I should do, or can do for you now…

That’s why my 1st reply to you was still “why didn’t you believe my love for you?”

That was the reply I regretted most in my life.

I should have thought about how much courage you took to message me. I should have thought about how you put your own pride down to message me. I should have meet you face to face, hold your hands, hug you and say “I love you” but give me time…

Sorrie Em Yeu, I should have put your feelings 1st before my own that night. I’m so sorrie…

I don’t remember the rest of our conversation that night anymore. All I can remember, is your tears when I came into the house when you are lying in the hammock. All I can remember is your face when you asked me to get out of the house and you don’t want to see me again…

All I can remember, is how sorrie I felt towards you, as I left the BB house…

*****

Met up with ah ji under his block right after I left your house. The biggest burning question I have, after you told me “everyone know” about the video call, is that who is the one telling everyone?!?

Cause I have only told ah ji before. By right he is the only one who knows, and it doesn’t seems right that you would tell anyone how you hurt me…

But I have no proof. You refused to tell me when I asked before you kicked me out of your BB house. So I have to delete the part of our messages where I asked whether is it ah ji who is spreading the story before I question him and show him our messages

“It’s Duong herself! She is the one showing mingyi your messages and then talk about what happened to mingyi and wen Hao” Ah ji answered when I asked him who has been spreading that you made me video call that night.

Then ah ji went on and tell me that the day after I told him the whole story, he was really angry and met you, mingyi and wen Hao for lunch at 215 the next day. But when he was going to talk to you about the video call, he purposely told mingyi and wen Hao to sit at another table before he talk to you alone

But you told ah ji that you know you did wrong, but I have done more wrong to you. You then called mingyi over to the table where you and ah ji is sitting and ask him to tell ah ji what she has showed mingyi about my messages to you during our quarrel that night. That’s how you are the one spreading details of how you made me video call Elsa

My silly Em Yeu… why did you tell more people about what happened that night? Don’t you realized how people will criticize and judge you for trying to break up my marriage? Why did you spread the story yourself when I’m trying to hard to keep it a secret to protect you and told no one else other than ah ji…?

Ashamed of myself for doubting ah ji for being the one spreading our story, I apologized to ah ji and told him that I actually suspected it was him in front of you earlier and said to you that I will whack him if he is really the one.

Ah ji brush it off and replied that he can understand why I would suspect him 1st, since he was the only one I’ve told. He just think that you are silly to drop a stone on your own toes by telling other people yourself of what you did to me that night…

Then he asked me what is my current situation with Elsa and plans from here on. I simply sent him the conversation between me and her on Xmas Eve, and told him the details of our divorce:

So at the moment, I can no longer do anything for you anymore. That was one of the reason why I couldn’t stay by your side anymore, my dear Em Yeu…

When I have the time and money to spend on you, you still quarrel with me over not spending enough time and attention on you. Right now when I have nothing left, how can I imagine things will be different between you and me if I be with you after my divorce…?

So the only thing I can do now… is to leave you

Cause there is nothing I can do for you anymore…