28/12 The Only One Who Knows
Past few days has been tormenting for me. Facing Elsa’s decision to divorce and I have no right to ask for forgiveness, the loss of my house and my savings, the stress of having to earn enough money to rent a room by next week, and most of all, the fallout with you…
If I had a choice, I wouldn’t even want to work in JE anymore. Seeing you very day acting like I’m a complete stranger like I’m the one who did you wrong. Yes I am still angry at you, but not because of what you asked me to do to Elsa, but of why you wouldn’t believe in my feelings for you, and my words to you…
I have not lied a single time to you. Not once not ever.
I really felt wronged. Despite how much I cared for you and loved you, you chose to hurt me because of your jealousy. You refused to believe me because of your pride. You accused me of being the one whom has changed when the real thing that changed is your expectations towards me, and the desire to possess me…
Unable to contain the overwhelming unfairness and wrong I felt, I finally told someone what exactly happened between us, and what you did to me last Friday. The only one I can trust who knows things between you and me most – Ah ji.
Ah ji asked me to join him for lunch at 215 today. I turned off my app and went over 1st. By the time he reached, I have already finished half a bottle of beer.
Because his hp was lost in a tada car since last week, so he hasn’t been able to keep in contact till yesterday. The moment he arrived and saw me drinking, he asked what the hell exactly happened between me and you.
I asked him, what exactly have you told him till date. He said you have only told him that I did wrong to you, and you need time to cool down before you want to talk to me. You told him that I have changed, and not like when I has chasing you…
I was thinking, “what wrong did I do to you, compared to what you have done to me and Elsa?!?” But before I can tell him what exactly happened, mingyi and wen Hao came and join us for lunch. Because I know what you did to me was so wrong, I did not want to tell anyone. No matter what wrong you did to me, I still want to protect you to the end…
Only after ah ji told mingyi and wen Hao to go off 1st cause me and him got something to talk about, then I start telling ah ji what exactly happened last week, starting with our quarrel on 21st dec, wed.
Do you still remember how our quarrel started? It was just barely 2 days after we all went to MBS event square and had such a memorable time at Ice magic with Jayden & LinLin…
That morning, I have missed your call because I was still asleep, then you start messaging me that if I want to keep myself safe and not pick up your call in front of Elsa just say and you will step back for my safety and happiness etc… that was how our last quarrel started
But you didn’t know what I was doing the night before that made me woke up late that morning… I was gluing your mini pink umbrellas using a glue gun and that took me a lot of time to wait for it to melt and dry… i only slept after both your mini pink umbrellas are fully dry and secured properly so that you don’t have to worrie about them flying away again…
And even we quarreled that morning, I still came to work, park beside you and did not treat u like a stranger. I still put your usual green tea into your bottle holder, and help you mount the twin mini umbrellas that I was working on the night before… but you kept ignoring me, and don’t even want to reply me when I message and ask you whether you are hungry, whether need to pack dinner for the kids, and even whether you want me to help send orders for you cause it was raining…
Until Friday evening in middle of our night shift when you start giving me your attitude again, asking me not to message you like Kenny… no matter how I tried to explain, that you are more important than my own safety, you just didn’t want to believe me…
That is when I asked you, “How you want me to prove my feelings for you?” And you replied, “Tell your wife about us”…
Remember how much we talked about telling Elsa about us? Remember how much I tried to let you understand that to tell Elsa the truth about us, it would mean the end of us and we won’t be able to stay together anymore? Remember how I tried to tell you, that if telling Elsa is the only thing you can believe how much I cared about you, how much I love you, you are actually hurting me in the worst way possible?
And in the end, I chose to prove my love for you, and hurt the woman whom have left her whole life behind just to be with me for the past 7 years with my own hands
From the start of the conference audio call, and become a video call because you don’t believe I am really at home and you want to make sure I’m really talking to Elsa. And even after I told you that Elsa wants a divorce, what you told me that you don’t believe we will really divorce cause I’m a smart guy, not like Kenny etc. All these details I’ve told ah ji exactly what has happened.
When I finally finished explaining what exactly you did, ah ji was so angry with you. His 1st words to me after I finished talking, was “What the Fark is this girl thinking?!? After how much you have taken care of her, after everything you have done for her and given her, how can she do this to you?!? From the 1st day you 2 are together, she already know you have a wife ma! That’s why I always scold her that she always expect too much from you liaoz!!”
The moment ah ji said that, my tears just flow down in front of him. Yes, what he said is exactly how I felt. Despite how much I did for you, how much I cared and how much I loved you, it never seemed to be enough…
Even after hurting me in the worst way possible, it is still not enough for you to believe my feelings for you…
Ah ji then say he is going to scold you big time, which I told him not to do that. I told him that the reason why I finally say out the truth about what exactly happened, is because I am going crazy inside and I just need to tell somebody. But I can’t just tell anyone cause I fear people will criticize and judge you for purposely trying to break up my marriage. I don’t want something like the CCK rumor to happen to you again…
So I made him promised that, even if he want to talk to you about this, NEVER EVER do it in front of another person, and NEVER EVER tell a word about what exactly happened to a 4th person. At this moment, only you, me and ah ji knows…
When he asked me what plans do I have now, I replied him, that right now I can only focus on my divorce with Elsa, as well as start earning money asap for my room rental for a start. Regarding you, my head is really in a mess and I really don’t know what to do about you…
But 1 thing is for sure, I don’t want anyone else to know what you did to me. No matter how angry I am, I would never want to hurt you back on purpose. That is the reason why I parked away from everyone else. That is the reason why I distanced myself from everyone else so that people don’t have a chance to ask me.
And as long as they ask you, they will hear exactly what ah ji heard from you – that I did wrong to you instead…
Ah ji gave me his word that he won’t breathe a word about what I told him to anyone else, before we part.
Finally I felt like I can breathe a little after pouring everything in my heart out…