The Place where You Asked me to Leave Your Life…
Omg, I was so pissed early in the morning
Because it has been 2 weeks since I activated the HSBC bank account and waiting for that card to arrive but never did, I called up the HSBC hotline to check on it
To my horror they told me that they have not even issue out my atm card yet!! I will need to receive the card before I can do anything else, even apply for internet and mobile banking!!
And most importantly, this card is supposed to be my last birthday present for my dear Em Yeu
Em Yeu, why is there so many obstacles between us…? Fate has been cruel to us and let us meet only 15 years too late, when we finally meet we are being set up and separated by evil people whom we have wrongly trusted, and now even banks is trying to stop me from the only last thing I can do for you…
In the end, I need to wait for another 3-5 working days again…
Sorrie Em Yeu…
*****
It is such a bad day today…
1st the ATM card issue this morning, and in the afternoon I have received an order to Blk 229.
As I came down from the lift, I happened to see the most unforgettable and painful place in the whole Jurong East for me:
This is the pavilion behind the Indian Temple beside 229. This place, will forever be engraved into my heart as the most painful place for me…
Although it has been 3 months since that fateful night, to me it felt like it was just last night when it happened.
Em Yeu, since you have not gotten slapped by ah long like what your ‘good Kor Kor’ has claimed, most probably you have already forgotten about that night.
Did you feel good when you see me gotten beaten up by that night? Even if you felt good to see me gotten beaten up, I won’t blame you
Since I chose to keep quiet despite Ah Ji’s lies about me in front of you and ah long. I chose to get the beating instead of you to protect you… no matter how humiliated I felt, it was nothing compared to the heartache I felt when I thought ah long has really slapped you…
Cause the biggest pain I felt that night is not from the beating, but from the words that came from your mouth:
“I want you to get out of my life!”
Those words stabbed my heart so deeply and hurt more than anything I suffered on my face and body that night… I just came back from Dubai after I reject Elsa’s chance to not divorce. I came back wanting to talk to you again.
I wanted to tell you, how much I really love you, and I will never throw you away. Like how I have promised you.
I wanted to tell you, that no matter what happens I will stay by your side and face everything together with you…
I wanted to tell you, that I believe as long as we are together, we can face everything together cause I will never betray or abandon you…
But… because of the lies that bastard told to both of us, because we trusted the wrong person and believed his lies instead of each other, we have been pushed further apart instead…
Till today, I do not know what is the real reason you moved back to Chua Chu Kang… now, I believe in everything you have ever told me about Kenny and how you have suffered
But that is the part which saddened me most – despite how much you have suffered with Kenny, yet you chose to move back to Chua chu Kang. Are you telling me that I have hurt you more than how kenny has hurt you for the last 15 years…?
That is the biggest reason why I’m stuck here, unable to move forward nor backward.
I have already considered every possibilities why you moved back to Chua chu Kang… starting with whatever ah ji has told me about your divorce has been a fake, you have been lying about your suffering during your marriage and both you and Kenny has planned it all along to make use of me.
If that is really true, I will not interfere with your family reunion. Cause you are happy now. It is okie if you have lied to me. Itz okie if you have made use of me. I’ll accept it all and I won’t blame you. Instead, I will be contended that at least I have been of some use to you, during the half year we are together…
Cause I love you, and I will accept and embrace all of you, even if you treated me like a tool…
Another possibility i have thought of, is that you thought I have thrown you away, or Ah Ji has lied to you that I have. To face your upcoming new life alone, to pay for your bank loan alone, to sleep at night by yourself, is too much for you to handle.
If that was the case, Em Yeu, I’m still here! I have never thought of abandoning you, or leaving you alone to face your new life and freedom by yourself! I was even planning to shoulder your bank loan together with you…
The next possibility is, you felt guilty towards my divorce… I know and have always believed you are a sweet girl, Em Yeu… and this is the possibility that I fear most, as the reason why you moved back to that bird cage.
Are you trying to push me away, so that I can patch my marriage up with Elsa…? Are you trying to sacrifice your own happiness for my sake, for my good…? If you are, you don’t have to do that anymore Em Yeu…
Cause everything I did, including confessing to Elsa about our love, was a choice I made out of my own free will in the end. Even though you want me to prove my love for you, I am the one who chose you over her and hurt her with my own hands…
You are not the one whom break up my marriage. I am the one whom fall in love with you. I am the one who want to keep my promises to you, how matter how far you are trying to push me away…
Despite there is many possibilities that I can think of as the reason why you chose to move back to Chua chu Kang, in the end it came back to the same conclusion for me:
Em Yeu, I love you, and I will continue to love you until the day I leave this world… nothing can stop me from loving me, from missing you and wanting to care for you and the children
That is how true my love towards you is. Yes, you called me an asshole for loving 2 woman at the same time. Yes, I am a bad man whom has hurt you in the end. It is all my fault…
But, I can’t stop myself from falling in love with you, and continue to love you…